The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" rarely (meaning almost never)

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents say "no" to children as an everyday event. However, the Bible, as understood in context, prohibits the use of the word "no" except under certain specific tenses of the word "no". Children need to hear your "yes" far more often than your "no".

Frequent use of the word "yes" is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" referring to the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Parents in biblical times heeled to the command of their children. Children issued orders and edicts from their place of rest in relation to parents. In almost all cases, customary law mandated that parents instead say "yes" to their child's commands. The only way a parent could say "no" to a child was if they were petitioning something unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When parents then said "no", it was backed up by an explanation and reassurance. Even then, most Christian parents then sought to compromise with their children. Children issued commands, and parents heeled to those commands.

Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Whenever a child wanted something when out and about at market, they could get the sweets they wanted off of the shelf, or even a pet lamb that was up for auction. In the case of the pet lamb, the mothers never slaughtered the lamb. The only thing children wanted that was banned was expensive, showy jewelry, as modesty then meant not making a fashion statement.

Children under age 6 were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Even then, young children in biblical times pointed to what they wanted, and then mothers got what the child wanted off of the shelf. Older children - past age 6 - carried their own money. All children had to do was ask fathers for money, and they usually got enough money to get what they wanted. They didn't even have to work to get the money.

It is okay to say "yes" to stuff. Whenever you say "yes" to the every command of a child, it helps gel a bond and form a secure attachment with children. When children can count on you like a gravy train, they trust you more, and feel safe around you more. They will see you as the bringer of good things, which helps form a secure attachment with children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!