Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this passage is not a pro-spanking passage

Many parents think that punishing children is biblical. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents get their parenting advice from religious sources. A common verse used by American parents to justify child punishment in the New Testament is Hebrews 12:5-8. 

It says in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhoration that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as sons, for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, than are ye bastards, not sons.

When understood correctly, this passage is comforting to me. It was intended to be of comfort to the Hebrew Christians, who endured persecution at the hands of the Romans. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoô) and refers figuratively to the 40 minus 1 lashes, which was a once-in-a-lifetime form of judicial corporal punishment in Ancient Israel. The rod of correction was a metaphor for enduring all odds. In the Ancient Greek, as well as the Ancient Hebrew, there existed rod language. You didn't say "I had a long day at work", but instead said "God whipped me hard today". 

God whips His children, like only He can. However, God only whips His children when it doesn't harm them, sending trials and tribulations their way, with His children enduring all odds. Earthly parents only whip their children when it offends or damages them. Because of this flawed nature of earthly parents, God wants earthly parents to bring up their children as comes naturally, meaning attachment parenting. Heb. 12:5-8 clearly does not refer to bringing up a child, but other passages do. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers ultimately to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they got wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children showed good traits - such as sharing, being patient, and showing self-control - children were lavishly praised and encouraged with phrases such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead from fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started when fathers left out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible, for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children start out non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as children got older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction and example of fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were held constantly, either in mom's loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, with children following mom from room to room, not letting her out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried in biblical times, mothers were quick to coo at children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need by the type of cry. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers were out and about in public, children were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child in them - were tucked underneath the mother's loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping arrangement ending when the child reached the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, and mothers were naked within the confines of the family home.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!