Christian attachment parenting: Why the Bible prescribes attachment parenting

Many parents think that the Bible recommends punitive parenting. This is a common attitude towards the Bible by parents. Most parents believe that their right to discipline their child punitively is enshrined in the Bible. The fact of the matter is that the Bible is an attachment parenting document, as attachment parenting was what was done in the Early Church. Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context.

Christian attachment parenting is summed up in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punish their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were given praise and encouragement from fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a kiss on the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also needed religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers started out religious instruction by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible, for children to discover and explore. When children were caught studying the Bible, fathers gave them praise and encouragement such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the Bible, with children being eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers being sure to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development. A young child's religious beliefs are simplistic and non-conforming to any religious sect or denomination. However, as children got older, they grow naturally towards a specific sect or denomination. It may not be what you had planned for them, but at least they have values.

What leads to children hearing out the instruction of fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, fearing that mom would "go away, and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at the upset child before picking him/her up. When mothers were out and about with children, she swaddled her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the child tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Mothers nurtured from up close, whereas fathers nurtured from afar. Fathers kept their distance from their children, especially during the first 6 years of a child's life. This was due to the fact that fathers naturally have a sexual attachment to their children. Unlike in other ancient societies, fathers in the Early Church could not have their "icing on the cake". Instead, fathers were mandated to instead masturbate righteously to sexual thoughts of their children, purging unrequited lusts for his children, especially his daughters. Fathers nurtured, but in a teaching way that made children eager to learn about the Bible.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!