"Honor parents": Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel that the world owes them respect just for being parents. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel entitled to respect from their children and from others. Most parents will cite the Fifth Commandment as an excuse for demanding respect from children. The fact of the matter, however, is that the scope of application is narrower, with the Fifth Commandment prohibiting only clear elder abuse.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment had a very specific meaning, and refers to clear elder abuse, not just "talking back". This commandment prohibits striking your parents (see Exod. 21:15), gaslighting them to send them places (see Lev. 20:9), or committing crimes in their name (see Deut. 21:18-21). These moral statues are known as the parent protection laws, and only apply when the perpetrator is an adult. However, parents discouraged things such as children striking out at them. Whenever a parent was hit by their child, they cried with a technique known as righteous wailing, which usually caused the aggressive child to cry alongside their parents.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch and speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents, in childhood, in biblical times, was a thing. However, such respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents, with parents needing to earn the respect of their children. During the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in mother's arms, or else in a papoose bag on her back if her hands were full. When the child was aged 2-6, they demanded that mothers stay within their line of sight, fearing that mom would "go away and would never come back". This happened even when mothers simply went in another room. Whenever children cried or pouted, mothers would coo at their children before picking them up, then holding her child in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When out and about in public, mothers swaddled their children - under age 6 - next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty.

Parents, in biblical times, were warm and loving caregivers to children. Parents earned the respect of the children in their care. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Parenting should be a thankless job, much like being a waitress or barista. All parents are there for is to hand down to the child what they need, and be used by children like a sponge. The waitress is nice to you, even if you aren't nice to her, and that is how parents were in biblical times. Parents turned the other cheek when their children gave them the morning breath treatment, with children ultimately calling the shots in the family home. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!