Many parents want discipline for their child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents, however, falsely equate discipline with punishment. The fact of the matter is that good discipline for children involves praise and encouragement, not punishment or force.
Child discipline is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:
Children, obey your parent in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your children hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.
The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as taking turns, showing patience, or having self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection from fathers when caught being good. Children need religious instruction, but the right kind. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers, when children turned age 6, left out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to read and explore. When children were caught perusing Scripture, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious discussion came in question and answer format, with children being eager to learn the facts of life, and with fathers giving pointers on the context.
Children have a religious development all on their own. Children's religious development usually starts around age 6, and/or when a child first finds a copy of the Bible. The religious beliefs in children usually start out simplistic and non-conforming to any religious denominations. However, eventually, children start to conform to a religious denomination. Most children conform to a specific values system by the time they turn 13. Their values may not match up to yours, but at least they have a set of values to live by.
What motivates children to follow in the footsteps of parents? What children need in order to be motivated in hearing out their parents is a secure attachment. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. During the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in the arms of mothers, or in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Children aged 2-6 ranged beside mothers, demanding that mom not leave the child's line of sight, even if mom was simply going in the other room. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children, before picking them up in skin-on-skin format, holding the child close to her bosom. Children, when out and about with mothers, were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format. Children co-slept next to mothers until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.
Fathers also nurtured, but from afar, in a teaching way. Fathers nurtured children by catching their children showing good traits. Those good traits included taking turns, self-control, and patience. Fathers were more distant due to having parent attractions that came unrequited. Sexual correction was not allowed under the Law, with fathers instead indulging in righteous masturbation in order to purge unrequited lusts. This depressed the male sexual instinct towards children, with that instinct then coming out as a male nurturing instinct. Christian fathers in the Early Church were warm and gentle like mothers were, but were warm and gentle from afar. Mothers were not attracted to their children, whereas fathers were, and so fathers had to keep their distance.
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