Discipline and limit setting in Christian homes: How to set limits with children (without punishment or force)

Many parents, if not all, want their children to know discipline. Most American parents want to set limits with children, yet they believe that the only way to set limits and teach discipline is through punishment. However, there is a way to discipline children without punishment or force.

Teaching discipline to children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Honoir thy father and mother; which is the the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul was lifting up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking or punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Indeed, parents in Ancient Greco-Roman society used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians shunned the scourge of cords, instead excommunicating moral offenders.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling Christian discipline to children, The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in relation to children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught emulating the disciplined example, they were lavishly praised with "I see you" statements by their fathers. Boys were given manly praise when caught being good, whereas girls were given snuggles when caught being good. Sometimes, children need direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, namely that parents could not issue lawfully binding orders, and could only give advice to children, or counsel them when they are having a bad day. It was up to children to issue lawfully binding orders on parents.

Children, in most cases, do not need direct instruction on how to behave. Children are capable of self-improvement entirely on their own, albeit while guided by the Christian example of parents. Children then emulate the disciplined example of parents. When children are caught being good in that way, it is good for a father to encourage their child with "I see you" statements. Children learn discipline by following a disciplined example. 

What motivates children to heed the example of parents? Children, in fact, need a secure attachment with mothers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Mothers responded to the every cry of children, cooing before picking up the child, then holding the crying child next to her bosom in mammary closeness. Milk-dependent children were breastfed to sleep by mothers when they cried a certain way, When out and about, children were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. Children co-slept next to mothers until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!