Strictness in Christian homes: Why parents should not impose strictness (and why children can learn to be strict with themselves)

Many parents want to be strict with their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents favor strictness when dealing with children. However, the Bible teaches that strictness comes from within a child's heart, not without.

The Christian doctrine of mutual submission holds that parents, namely fathers, lovingly encourage children to be strict with themselves. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. 'This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus of their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, instead of being caught being bad. Whenever a child emulated the disciplined example of parents, they were given lavish praise and encouragement. Boys received manly praise when caught being good, and girls received snuggling from their fathers when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed advice from parents as well. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning all that parents were allowed to do was give advice to children as well as counsel them when they were upset. While the child still lived with parents, only the child could issue lawfully binding orders on parents.

What motivates a child to follow the disciplined example of parents? Christian attachment parenting made children want and strive to follow the disciplined example of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, do did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, with mother and child being in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. When children cried, mothers picked up the child in skin-on-skin format, then holding the dear child close to their bosom in mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about in public, children were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers, in swaddling blankets made of velvet. When a swaddled child cried, they were held close to the bosom of mothers. Children who were swaddled, in most cases, cried quietly. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. Skin-on-skin co-sleeping lasted until the child shook that comfort off after the onset of puberty, with the pubescent child wanting a place of their own to sleep. This sustaining warmth in the formative years of childhood motivated children to follow their parents' example. When a child is given nourishment and sustenance, they grow to be ready to learn how to be disciplined on their own.

Strictness is a must in parenting, and that is not up for debate. However, children need to learn to be strict with themselves, and not reliant on an adult to be strict with them. In Christian homes in the Early Church, both sons and daughters studied a Bible that was left out for the discovery of children. When fathers saw his children exploring the Bible, he praised his children in their religious vocation. That self-study of the Bible helped children grow up to be strict with themselves, alongside the disciplined example of parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!