Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with kidnapping being defined the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.
Most young children under age 6, in the Early Church, were in constant closeness with their mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did the child. Usually, this meant that a toddler was held like a baby and breastfed like a baby. This Christian attachment parent was the norm in Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church. However, some children squirmed out of the loving arms of mothers, and wanted to walk entirely on their own. Mothers insisted that such children stand beside her. In the Hebrew and the Aramaic, these children were referred to as stand-beside-me children.
Stand-beside-me children in biblical times grew up to outright rebel against their parents, and would be classified as having ODD today. Most children stopped their rebellion at ordering parents around. Stand-beside-me children would be the type of older child that beat up their parents. Christian parents in the Early Church had no legal recourse. If they took their dependent child to court - even if the child was aged past the age of majority - the council dropped the case and implicated the parents for perjury.
The core feature of ODD has to do with locus of control. A child with ODD beats their parents because they feel controlled, and thus they seek counter-control with their aggression, defiance, and vindictiveness. Thus, the answer for a child with ODD is to not be controlling with them at all. If they beat you, take the beating, but cry in your defense. Children like that don't take advantage of parents, and their fight or flight system immediately changes to a more docile state when they see the tears of their parents flowing. When you stop being controlling with your child with ODD, they probably will stop trying to control you, and show their vulnerability to you instead - something they would never show to a punitive adult. Give up the fight with your child, and give in to their righteous demands.
ODD is usually a genetic disorder in children, secondary to either autism, bipolar disorder, and/or ADHD. The latter two disorders can be treated with medication. But, parents often have to figure out what is the right medication for their child. If the child has simple autism without a mood or dysregulation disorder, the parents will just have to take a beating until they are adults.
I was never officially diagnosed with ODD as a child, but it was sure suspected by all the adults around me, and in hindsight, my former developmental pediatrician now thinks that I met the diagnostic criteria for ODD to a T. I lashed out in situations where adults were being controlling with me. I wanted to control back, and that led to vindictive outbursts. The fact that adults would try to control my counter-control instincts added trauma onto me that I still feel. I have an adult trauma, meaning I am ANGRY at all adults, including myself as an adult, for the child abuse epidemic. Any time you try to control a child like I was, you are entitled.
The Bible, in context, teaches that children are the Godhead in the family home, and parents are under the divine authority of their children. Children could issue lawfully binding orders on parents, and parents were usually obligated to obey their children, with the only exceptions being if the orders were unworkable or unlawful. This parenting setup was there for the most rebellious of children, so that they had room to be themselves and be bold in their willfulness. The bolder a child was in biblical times, the more the child was prized. Stand-beside-me children were seen as the highest of all children, with all children being seen as the salt and light of the world.
Most children in biblical times had traits of ODD, usually expressed after the first 6 years of childhood when children were in constant closeness with their mother. Children were in a state of birth nudity next to their mothers, with mother and child in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. When children shook free from the sustaining warmth of mothers for the day, they were ready to take on the world, venturing farther and farther from home in the context of free play, then ordering parents around. Most children in biblical times were very strong-willed. Why aren't children like that today? They are afraid of being punished for "bad moods". However, willfulness and oppositional behavior is natural for children aged 6 and up, and is developmentally appropriate. In most cases, children in the Early Church contained their willful behavior to the family home. Children who were bold and rebellious were prized by Early Christian parents.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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