Reverse policing: Why children are authority figures to parents

Many parents think that they call the shots at home. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents see themselves as authority figures over their children, and feel entitled to respect in that regard. Most parents will cite the Bible for evidence that their parenting conclusions are correct. The fact of the matter is that the Bible endorses a specific form of attachment parenting known as Christian attachment parenting, and the core element of Christian attachment parenting is reverse policing.

Reverse policing is understood using the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Parents, in biblical times, were under the lawful authority of their children, fearing and revering their children as vulnerable extensions of God, submitting to children from beneath yet from above. Parents could only say "no" to a request that was immoral or unworkable, and otherwise, children of any age could sue their parents at law. Parents were seen as bondservants to their children, waiting on children head and foot, to the point of full and dutiful submission, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Children brought their parents to this full and dutiful submission by enforcing their law on their parents, especially as older children.

Reverse policing is a concept in Christian attachment parenting where you revere children as you would the police. Parents are to submit to the higher authority which is their children (see also Rom. 13:1-4), and give up the fight with their children, and then give in to their children's orders and demands. This is also known as a policing attachment, and was the most common form of secure attachment in biblical times. Children called the shots in biblical times, and issued lawful orders to parents and other adults.

How did children police their parents in biblical times? Children under age 6 would cry for their every need, including attachment needs such as attention. Even when mothers discerned that children were crying just for attention, mothers responded with sustaining warmth, cooing and placing their children in their bosom in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. Older children barked orders at mothers, and sometimes at fathers, and both parents had to comply with their orders in most cases. Parents were in a vulnerable position in most cases, where children could easily manipulate parents to give them what they wanted. Siblings did not rival each other, but worked in unison to bring the parents down to full and dutiful submission to children, being one united front lobbying their parents. 

Most Christian parents in the Early Church did not get angry with their children, ever. When children went into policing mode, parents felt reverent fear of their child, and complied out of reverent fear and terror for their child. Apart from children's orders, parents in biblical times were driven by worry and concern, not anger. When children cried, mothers felt automatic concern, cooing to show that love and concern for their children. Fathers also cooed when a child cried, in unison with the mother usually.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!