Righteous cave: Why parents should cave to their children's demands

Many parents think that children should "cave to my authority". Most parents think they have authority over their children to order them around. Most parents don't want to cave to the authority of their children. But, the fact of the matter is that children do have real authority over their parents, and parents are to cave to the lawful orders of children.

Righteous cave is the parent's role in the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. The analogous acronym for child authority is righteous ordering. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers are to rest in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including punishments and controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Righteous cave has a proper meaning in parenting - parents cave to their child's lawful orders. In biblical times, children were a lawful authority over parents, and issued lawful orders to parents as to what they needed. Children kept issuing orders until their parents caved. The modern application of this context is reverse policing, where children are revered and feared in the way the police are, and then parents give up the fight with their child, and give in to the orders of children. This is how children broke down their parents in biblical times. Usually, siblings broke down parents and ordered for their needs in unison, so that parents surely could not argue with their needs.

In biblical times, crying and whining were interpreted by parents as lawful orders demanding vulnerable needs. The every cry and whine of children was law, and unless you had good reason, refusing the law of your child was seen as a provocation of anger against the child. When a child cried or whined, mothers cooed and held the child in their arms, in skin-on-skin format. Both mothers and children were naked in the family home then, with children going naked everywhere they went until adulthood. Christian attachment parenting is big on child nudity, meaning parents are encouraged to allow their children to go completely naked in the home, as this strengthens the secure attachment between parent and child. It is easier to cave to your child's demands when you are naked with your child at home. Mothers in the Early Church knew this intuitively.

Parents in biblical times could easily be manipulated by children, as they could only say "no" when the child ordered something immoral or unworkable. Parents gave up the fight with their children, and gave in to their orders and demands. Even speaking against children was a violation of Christian law in the Early Church, and would have been seen as a provocation to anger. No matter how exhausted parents were, they had to speak good of their children. If they needed to vent, it would show implicitly in their praise of their children. Children were always to be praised, and never punished, and were to be obeyed always, being revered and feared as vulnerable extensions of God. Children were put in the role of customer, with parents being in the role that waitstaff are in a restaurant.

The child's role in this context of parenting is righteous ordering. Think like ordering from a restaurant. You can order whatever you want from a waitress, as long as it is on the menu. Parenting, from a biblical perspective, is as servile as being waitstaff at a restaurant. Parents should always appear friendly and amicable towards their children, putting on a smile, waiting on their children hand and foot. Sometimes, you have to serve children in ways that make you uncomfortable, and that is righteous cave. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!