Respect: Why respect in parenting is earned

Many parents believe that they are entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most Americans feel entitled to respect from their children. However, the fact of the matter is that parents need to earn respect from their children, not demand or order it. 

The doctrine of mutual submission is stated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in all things, following mothers around especially like a gosling to a mother goose.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they were adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comforting strategies. By day, children ranged beside their mother, sometimes clinging to her. When out and about, mothers wrapped up their children next to their bosom, in swaddling blankets. By night, mothers and children co-slept next to each other in skin-on-skin format, with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin contact with mothers, and with mothers guarding children from all threats, external or domestic. Fathers also formed a secure attachment with their children, by way of witnessing the closeness between mother and child. However, this secure attachment came in the form of a sexual attachment, usually towards daughters, usually in connotational format. Fathers were instructed by the church authorities to follow those sexual thoughts about their child to the end using masturbatory fantasy. Daughters also were sexually attached to their fathers, creating a mutually unrequited sexual dynamic in the home, that was seen in biblical times as a sign of sexual purity in the home. Actual child sexual abuse was rare next to non-existent, but when it did happen, it was seen as deserving of death.

Respect is to be earned in parenting. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but involved closeness with parents. Children were not commanded to reverently respect their parents, and instead were supposed to regard their parents with fondness and close regard, and if children hated their parents, then parents pushed them away and discouraged them. Surrender to parents was seen then as surrendering into the loving arms of parents. Resting securely in the sustaining warmth of mothers was the ultimate form of surrender to parents. Child surrender only happens when children trust their parents. Only when they trust you as a parent will be the time they come to respect you. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!