Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure trust in parents. Replace "obey" and "trust" and you come to a somewhat better translation. However, this refers to a special kind of trust, borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. This is an open, honest type of trust where children can tell parents everything, and cry to them, and only expect comfort and condolences, not expecting any punishment or control. Parents in biblical times used attachment parenting as a norm, with children being swaddled next to mothers in swaddling bands, with children wrapped up until adulthood next to mothers most of the time, otherwise playing freely, but never leaving her line of sight. Children up until age 3 were treated as infants and breastfed by their mothers as such. Parents in the Early Christian church communities were extensions of Christ in the family home, providing a charitable and sacrificial example of Christian love, submitting totally to their children, accepting children totally as well. Children were seen as extensions of God to convict parents of what children need. This context is applicable to the degree the individual parent can apply it, but both parents should be on the same page.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocation to anger, meaning any and all offenses against children, as defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement. Reassurance and validation of a child's upset, in the moral legal sense, show your benevolent intent in relation to children, by apologizing for making them upset with a denial of requests. The Apostle Paul intended this verse as a prohibition on spanking, and other forms of punishment and control in parenting. Paul here was rebuking Greek Christian who supported and defended the Hellenistic pagan custom of spanking and whipping children. Punishment was seen in ancient Hebrew and Christian cultures as something for adults who knew better, yet did wrong anyway. If you didn't know that it was wrong, you never were punished, and minor children were expected not to know right from wrong, and thus were unable to be punished at all, with any punishment of a child being seen as kidnapping. Corporal punishment was only allowed in the Old Testament as a sentence for crime. The Early Christian churches did not practice corporal punishment in law enforcement.
Temper tantrums are not bad behavior. Their causes usually come in layers, with common causes being tiredness and lack of attention. What should a parent do? Pay attention to their child in the store, while in tow or in a shopping cart. If the child is tired, reassure them that "we'll be home soon" and count the items you are getting off of the shelf, such as "I'm now getting a grill for dad, etc.". This level of predictability is seen currently as only a need in children with autism, but all children need a sense of predictability in their life, due to the size and development of their brains. Most young children have similar special needs as a child with autism, but children with autism are obvious when self-advocating for their needs, and have an especially convicting appearance.
Temper tantrums are a child either grieving and/or overwhelmed. We all need to say "no" to a child, but note that the child you might just be saying "no" to probably feels cornered by the word, so say it nicely and use euphemisms for the word "no", such as "that won't work' or "can't happen" and explain why, on their level. Reassure and validate their tears of upset and anguish, and know that they are brand new to this world, so rejection shocks them. DO NOT punish the child AT ALL! Tantrums are not bad behavior, but simply are an immature mode of expressing emotion in children. Only decline a request if it is completely unattainable or unsafe. If it can be met in any way, or supplemented in any way, meet the want or supplement it.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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