Pro-social permissiveness, pro-social example: Why children should be allowed to find their own discipline and structure

Many parents think children need structure, and so they impose it on children. This is a common misunderstanding and misconception about children. The fact of the matter is that children in biblical times were raised in the manner of pro-social permissiveness and pro-social example.

There are a lot of people in prison who had a structured upbringing. It is called prompt dependence, and in many homes in the United States, a child's every moral choice is a prompt, and that doesn't change when they reach adulthood - except in the real world, there are no prompts. We have successfully raised a generation of children, upon many others, that will commit a crime in an instant once they get the perfect opportunity. Usually, it is something like traffic crime (ex. speeding, seatbelt violations, DUI/DWI), but still, crime is crime, and the law is the law. We need to raise our children, and bring them up, to respect morals and laws, not because a punishment is attached, but because the law is there to follow. Criminals, once freed from prison, often crave the structure that prison provides, so much that they will re-offend just to go back to prison. They simply cannot function in society. It is a cognitive impairment, and it starts with punitive parenting and how it damages the brain.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That is may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, with parents and adults wanting nothing from children, with this being the Living Example of Christ. Children owe nothing to parents, and parents owe everything to children, with this attitude towards life forming a chastened up example for children, backed up by a rare, agreed-upon verbal warning that certain behavior or wants are completely out of line, as denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia), but with children finding their own structure most times. This is all weighed by the Greek root word παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to prohibit all spanking, punishment, and other forms of punitive parenting, as he was rebuking Greek Christians who held onto the pagan custom of spanking children. Punishment of children was legally defensible under Roman law, but never Jewish law. Any form of punitive parenting towards a child was considered kidnapping under Jewish law, and was seen as deserving of death by way of bloodletting (chenek) after 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction - the same one mentioned in "rod verses" such as Prov. 13:24 and Heb. 12:5-11. The translation of the "rod verses" in the Old Testament is incomplete, as ADULT children and ADULT children only where whipped with the rod of correction, and only once in a lifetime, as a last resort before the offender had to be put to death for their criminal habits. Children were deemed incompetent to stand trial for crimes they committed, with parents apologizing in court for the mischief of their children, then gently teaching them the right thing to do instead.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to restful surrender in the loving arms of parents. Parents totally submit to their children, putting the needs of children first, and their needs last, prioritizing their child's needs before their own. Christian love for children is putting children before yourself, to the point of willful and dutiful submission to children, with children resting in the love and grace of parents and adults. Children in biblical times were raised with attachment parenting, with children up until adulthood wrapped in swaddling blankets next to the bosom of their mother, holding their children close, weaning them late at age 3 or even older. Children alternated between playing freely and closeness with parents as they became older, with actual sexual contact being the only reason for parents to intervene in children's play, separating and supervising two children who were about to engage in sexual contact - parents supervised all play. Much of the free play in ancient Israel and adjoining churches had sexual undertones to it, usually in an immature, flirtatious manner - children went in the nude, and parents let go the flirtatious advances of girls in particular onto boys or even other girls. Then, children retired to the rest and respite of parents, recharging with complete closeness to parents, being wrapped in swaddling bands next to the bosom of mothers and soaking up the skin-to-skin closeness. Whenever children went outside to play, they could not leave their mother's line of sight. 

This context applies today to the degree it can be applied. There is nothing wrong, biblically, with children being allowed to play freely to the point of sexual awareness. Not all of the attachment parenting standards imposed upon biblical parents can be applied today. Christian parents must respect the higher authorities, and only excuse child nudity indoors, not outdoors, meaning if a child doesn't want to wear any clothing inside the house, they don't have to, and if any adult in the house finds that setup sexually threatening or enticing, that's their problem and not the child's. Most attachment parenting in the Bible can be applied today, but perhaps in modified format. Parents should be in closeness with their children as much as possible. Parents should set a good Christian example for their children, not backed up by punishment or control.

Children need to learn to find their own structure. What does this look like? Going through every childhood behavior with your child as a parent, knowing it is just a phase, and if they don't grow out of it, it is a disability of some sort that requires mental health treatment. When you impose structure onto a child, they depend on it, even when it is gone. That's exactly what a criminal is - someone with no structure because they had it all handed to them, hence they internalized none of it. Children need to absorb morality on their own, and that requires a good Christ-like, Christian example of charity and generosity directed towards children. Children take after the traits of their parents, so if your child has bad traits, chances are you do too - change those bad traits before pointing the finger at your child!

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Let them descend into everlasting Hell and torment, suffering God's Wrath for all eternity! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!