Understanding the emotional reasons for becoming an advocate - parental protective pedophile

There is a pedophile amongst us at children's rights, and I am said individual with the condition. Many people wonder why a pedophile would be a child advocate. I myself don't know why more don't, except for the fact that most don't want to focus on anti-child abuse issues for traumatic reasons, and then stay hidden. I view it in terms of the VirPed board, a floor underneath showing the hurt and tears of non-offending pedophiles, and the top expression, which is buried completely, like potholes. Or, you could see them a different way - terrified individuals, and very few EVER impose that same yet similar yet different nonetheless trauma on a child, thus passing on pain in a selfish and depraved manner that even most pedophiles HATE! I myself emerged from a wall of panicked text - that's your ACTUAL stereotypical pedophile...That's why I am advocate.

I was frightened. I was scared. I knew what happened in the past, and what my parents did to me, and I was traumatized. I am a survivor of lawful child abuse from spanking/corporal punishment. There are very few anti-spanking survivors out there, and most who are male tend to be pedophiles. It was like a split in my head between the desires/fantasies for children and the upset, but I've learned being here that there is a connection between that "protect" side of me, and the sexual aggression wick of my parent.

I was scared for every child, projecting my past-tense child onto them, as they were being reprimanded and controlled in a child. It was desolate, there being no justice, meaning no God to "set things right". It was a pull, like a magnet, to do a parental feat that I had no authority to do, that Berks County Children and Youth Services had no authority to do, that Berks County Detectives had no authority to do, like the Court of Common Pleas had no authority to do - take their parental rights away, and place them in a foster home, just like what I wanted as a child - because even a foster home is a better place for a child than a home infested with pro-spanking parents. I wanted to get a wick going from my cell phone, but in a freezing type of way, paralyzed with severe, defining anxiety because abuse was EVERYWHERE...I always felt this way, but when not on mood stabilizers, it was instead tyrannical anger.

I needed an outlet for my trauma/pedophile, and so I put up a blog, hoping to get parents to stop spanking. This page is an outlet for my trauma, and writes to an adversarial audience, in their language. I do believe in what I preach. I tend to the type of person that caters to an audience, while not giving up what I have to say.