Back talk: Why to apologize to your child when they talk back

Many parents think that children talk back in order to "undermine parental authority". Back talk is a common motive behind punishment in many cases. However, the fact of the matter is that back talk instead happens when a child cannot accept a set limit. Refusal to apologize to a defiant child is child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. In order to not abuse your child, you need to avoid offense in children. However, since hurting children's feelings is inevitable in parenting, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. One expression of hurt feelings in children when their feelings are hurt is back talk. Back talk comes from a child that is unable to accept a set limit. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents. However, if you ever set a limit out of anger or haste, you definitely need to apologize for losing your cool as a parent, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool when setting limits alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is translated roughly to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishing children. Paul, contrary to popular legend was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Many times, children's feelings are hurt when they hear the word "no". Most children talk back when they cannot accept a set limit, especially the word "no". Setting unnecessary limits was unlawful in biblical times, with limits only being allowed in the case of a child behaving in an unsafe and/or immoral manner. The word "no" was banned in the Early Church except when the petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral in nature. Even then, parents usually found a nicer way of declining a request than the word "no", such as "that isn't possible", "that can't happen", or "that won't work".

Any parenting motivated by anger in the Early Church was seen as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey. Most parenting then was not done out of anger, but was instead done out of worry or concern. Most Christian parents in the Early Church worried a lot about their children, meaning they never got angry with their children at all. Mother Mary was very much worried about her son Jesus, and most mothers then worried like that. Most Jewish mothers today worry a lot, meaning it is a myth that a Jewish mother is a nag.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Biblical spanking": Why the rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses

Many parents think that they have the right - maybe even the duty - to spank or punish a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents use the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" to support punitive parenting. This phrase, in and of itself, sums up 6 verses that mention the rod. However, most people do not know what these verses actually mean.

One notable rod verse is Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew root word translated "son" is ben and refers to a mature adult son. The Hebrew root word translated "rod" is shebet and refers to a switch in the context of the book of Proverbs. This verse refers to a form of judicial corporal punishment known as the 40 minus 1 lashes, administered to the bare back, as a sentence for a crime. Striking another Jew outside of a courtroom setting was considered unlawful, with striking a minor child being completely unlawful then. King Solomon instead recommended attachment parenting for minor children in his secular writings. The reason for this commandment because, otherwise, fathers would refuse to whip his son. 

All 6 verses of the book of Proverbs that mention the rod are repealed verses. Christ did away with the harsh punishments of the Old Testament by way of His Work on the cross. One of these punishments done away with by Christ was the 40 minus 1 lashes.

The book of Proverbs does not refer to any "biblical spanking". However, God does weigh in on the spanking issue, and expands upon it. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children - you need to avoid offense in children. However, hurting a child's feelings is inevitable in parenting, and thus you should be willing to give a meaningful apology to children whenever you hurt their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents. However, if you ever lose your cool as a parent, you should definitely give a formal apology whenever you lose your cool with your child, and then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement even then. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The most common form of child punishment in Ancient Greece was an open-handed spanking to a bare bottom. Spanking was a pagan tradition then, and the Apostle Paul would have none of it in the churches that he oversaw as deacon. However, Paul used the word ερεθιζο as a root word for provoking a child to anger, meaning offending a child at all in the Christian tense of offending a child. When Rome took over, the pagan custom of spanking children was absorbed into the Western Church.

Any anger in parenting was banned in the Early Church. Anger at a child was seen as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey. Parenting then was not motivated by anger, but instead was motivated by worry and concern. Most Christian parents then did not get angry with their children ever, and when they did everyone took the side of the child, mobbing the parents for their entitlement whenever it spilled over into public.  

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Expanding child abuse definitions: Why the Bible calls for stronger laws against child abuse

Many parents believe that the ancients in the Bible had no concept of childhood, let alone child abuse. This is a common belief amongst American parents. Most American parents support the current child abuse definitions. However, the Bible has its own understanding of child abuse - whatever the child victim perceives as abuse is such.

The Greek root word denoting parental entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, parental entitlement consists of a parent being sorely disappointed when they don't get what they feel that they deserve from children. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from children just for existing. Any parent anger directed towards a child was seen then as entitlement. Whenever this sense of entitlement in parents was perceived by a child as offensive or damaging, it was deemed child abuse. See also Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards a child. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement in a parent, leading to offense in children. The key to not abusing a child is to avoid offense in children. However, hurt feelings in children are inevitable in parenting, and so parents should be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever they hurt their children's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child, and then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was deemed entitlement even in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other form of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers to long-term damages in children, namely childhood trauma. The ancients had a basic understanding of childhood trauma. When a child lost heart, and became an atheist, it was seen as a sign of child abuse, not a sign of a "lost soul" to be "won over". 

The ancients even had a concept of child sexual abuse. The Greek root word translated "fornication" is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers in this context to any sexual interaction between an adult and a child. Any time a child growing up in the Early Church perceived sexual advances from a child, it was deemed child sexual abuse, even if the child liked it. These norms exist today, but in all 50 states, there are legal ways to have sex with a child, usually involving a low age of consent. 

The Bible is an anti-spanking document. All 88 books of the Bible - from Genesis to Revelation - were written by Jews, with no Jew worth mentioning ever endorsing the punishment of children. Even King Solomon recommended attachment parenting for the little ones in his secular writings. The rod of correction in the book of Proverbs instead referred to the 40 minus 1 lashes, which was unlawful to do to a minor child. 

America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian family values. The Bible is a founding document of this nation, even above the Constitution itself. We as a society look to the Bible and its context for guidance as to how to live and treat each other with respect. Even our legal codes have roots in Judeo-Christian family values. It just so happens that the Bible was mistranslated, partially on purpose to keep a tradition of punitive parenting going. However, the commandment not to provoke a child to anger is obvious, once exegeted, meaning it is not a nonsense verse by far. The Bible here says not to offend a child ever. Indeed, you should avoid offense in everyone, but the Apostle Paul made it extra clear that you should avoid offense in children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Hebrews 12:5-6: Why this passage does not endorse spanking

Many parents think the Bible is pro-spanking. This notion comes from the belief that a few verses in Proverbs, as well as one passage in Hebrews, allows for a parent to punish a child. However, the key passage in Hebrews is where the pro-spanking case falls apart. Heb. 12:5-6 does not even have to do with earthly parenting, but instead enduring hardship.

God's Word on enduring hardship is Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

This passage, when interpreted correctly, gives me comfort. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. God does not literally whip His children. However, God punishes His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations the way of the believer. When you got home from a long day at work, you instead said "God whipped me hard today". This passage was meant as comfort to the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome.

God never intended for His Parenting example to be used by earthly parents. God indeed does punish His children, but that works because God only because He only punishes His children when it does not harm the child. However, earthly parents only punish their children when they in fact do harm the child. Heb. 12:5-6 does not have to do with an earthly spanking. However, God does weigh in on the spanking issue, and expands on it. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards a child. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children - you need to avoid offense in children. However, hurt feelings are inevitable in parenting, and thus parents should be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever they hurt their child's feelings. Usually, a reassurance of good intent is all that is necessary. However, if you ever lose your cool as a parent, you should definitely apologize for losing your cool with your child, and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The Bible is an anti-spanking document, with the writers of all 88 books of the Bible - from Genesis to Revelation - being Jews, with no Jew worth mentioning ever endorsing the punitive parenting of children. Even Jesus Himself, wrote a parenting manual, and right there opposed punitive parenting of children in earthly parenting.

Christian parents in the Early Church were not motivated by anger directed towards a child. A Christian mother, namely in the Early Church, instead worried a lot. Parenting in biblical times was motivated not primarily by anger, but by worry or concern. The only parent anger allowed then was to protect a child from an interloper. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Positive reinforcement: Understanding the Judeo-Christian tradition of positive reinforcement

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most American parents think that discipline equates to punishment. However, the fact of the matter is that God's Law prescribes a specific form of discipline, known as positive reinforcement.

God's Law on child discipline is stated in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children - you need to avoid offense in children. However, it is inevitable that children's feelings are hurt in the course of parenting, in which case parents should be willing to give a meaningful apology when they hurt their children's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents. However, if you ever lose your cool as a parent, you should definitely apologize to your child, and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as losingj your cool alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement even in the Early Church. The first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought with them into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating as "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking and other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

This second stanza clarifies what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Children growing up in the Early Church were left to form their own discipline, and when they were caught in the act of showings discipline, they were praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for their children to follow, with this example being instead backed up by praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment and force. Children also need religious instruction from fathers, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. Whenever the child was caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were praised and encouraged to keep up the Bible study, with fathers saying to children "you can ask me anything you want about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers as to the context. These two stanzas work together to instruct parents in the Hebraic tradition of positive reinforcement, with this Judeo-Christian tradition dating centuries before even the coming of Christ. 

Positive reinforcement should not include rewards systems. Rewards systems count as punishment when the child does not get their desired prize. Instead, positive reinforcement should be spontaneous in nature. Whenever you see discipline in a child, praise and reward them for it. From there, the praised behavior then shows more and more, with children being eager to impress fathers in particular.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Benign deprivation" : Why saying "no" to children "frequent and often" is child abuse

Many parents think children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude on the part of parents. Most American parents say "no" to children "frequent and often" as a means of teaching a child that the word "no" is a part of life. However, the fact of the matter is that the word "no" should be used seldom, meaning almost never. The frequent use of the word "no" can be seen as child abuse, if perceived as such by a child. This attitude on the part of parents is known as "benign" deprivation.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing children - you need to avoid offense in children. But, hurt feelings are inevitable in parenting, and thus you should be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. One common way to hurt a child's feelings is the word "no" said to a child. Whenever you upset a child with the word "no", it is a good time to apologize to your child for hurt feelings, lest it be officially an offense. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents. However, if you ever say "no" as a parent out of anger or haste, you definitely need to apologize to your child, and then commit to never to lose your cool alone with your child, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan customs of parenting, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under\Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The word "no", in the Early Church, as a general rule, was banned under customary law. The only exception to that rule was when the child's petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Usually, when the child could not accept the word "no", they were given a meaningful apology by way of reassuring the child of good intent. But, when parents lost their cool with their child, they gave a formal apology, then committing to never losing your cool with your child ever again. Even then, parents usually found a nicer-sounding way to say "no" to their children, such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible".

Parent anger was nearly absent in the Early Church. Most parenting in the Early Church was not motivated by anger, and instead was motivated by worry or concern. A Christian mother then simply was the type to worry a lot about her children. She never had the entitled backbone necessary to ever be angry with her child. Fathers also nurtured, but from a distance, in a teaching manner.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Adults attracted to children: Individual responsibility for adults attracted to children

Many organizations go by the concept of collective responsibility. This basically means that organizations should stop potential sex offenders from infiltrating them. However, we all are individually responsible for their sexual behavior. The fact of the matter is that all adults are capable of child sexual abuse under the right/wrong conditions.

Most child sexual abuse occurs in a sexually repressed environment. Usually, they complain of a heartache for a specific child target, and then find an excuse to sexually punish that target. A heartache involves repressed sexual lusts to the point of bodily pain. It is like a monkey on their back, meaning one that deserves "correction". They could have simply masturbated to that heartache, and then it be deemed acceptable, but no, they had to do it that way.

The Greek root word translated "lust" is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers here to sexual lusts that the adult harbors as a sexual narcissist. Usually, all they needed to do was discharge the fantasy through masturbation. But no, they had to rape a child in order to get their jollies out on a poor, vulnerable child.

Pedophilia, in and of itself, is not a moral crime. Most pedophiles are indeed the last people to, abuse a child in any way. Most child sexual abuse committed by pedophiles comes in the form of sexual harassment. Most pedophiles experience their sexual attractions on one level - the child level. Most adults feel sexual attraction at the narcissist level in relation to children, meaning the driven level. I myself avoid that trap by sexually fantasizing about children as often as possible - and now sexual attraction to me happens when a young girl stands out in her beauty.

Instead of me having a heartache for children, I get heartthrobs in relation to children. I myself have a sexual harassment problem in relation to children, meaning my pedophilic attractions came in the form of train cars, one after the other, with everyone around me hoping for the caboose. I was an obvious abuser, meaning that I made public my admiration for young girls.

A pedophile is not an anger packet directed towards a child. A pedophile is a human being with a sexual preference for children under age 14. Most pedophiles have a rule-oriented form of immature autism, but with the rules not applying to a child. How do you spot a pedophile? Look for a man with autism who is a natural as nurturing a child. Most adults with autism don't get along with children. 

The depraved and decadent, defiled adults who rape or sexually assault children will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent!