Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punishment or shaming

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal in parenting. However. most American parents equate discipline and punishment. The fact of the matter is that proper discipline in parenting involves catching children being good, as opposed to being caught being bad.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including parent anger directed towards children. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing your children - you need to avoid offense in children. However, hurting children's feelings is inevitable in parenting, and thus you need to be willing to meaningfully apologize to your child whenever you cause upset in that child. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent in parents. However, if you ever lose your cool as a parent, you definitely need to give a meaningful apology whenever you lose your cool with your child, then committing to never losing your cool ever again, as losing your cool alone is entitlement, and was seen in the Early Church as entitlement. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

This second stanza specifies which discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with children. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Children were left to form their own discipline, and when they did form discipline, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for children to follow, but backed it up with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment or shaming. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. This word, when understood in context, refers to a specific form of instructing children. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. Whenever fathers caught their child in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep the faith, with fathers saying things along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers as to the context. This passage denotes the Judeo-Christian tradition of positive reinforcement, with this commandment referring to the Hebraic tradition of catching children being good. The Hebraic concept of child discipline refers to not offending your child, but instead praising and encouraging favored behaviors and beliefs. 

Sometimes, children need limits. However, them accepting limits is a whole other story. Whenever a child's feelings were hurt by set limits, parents should give a meaningful apology whenever they cause a child's feelings to be hurt. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent/ However, if you set a limit out of anger or haste, you should definitely give a formal apology, and then commit never to losing your cool ever again, as losing your cool, in and of itself, is entitlement.

Most ancient cultures had a ventricle for the father when children became unmanageable. The mother would hand over the child, with the father then "handing-me-down-the-slate" in terms of gaslighting. However, in the Early Church, this custom was absent. Mothers never handed over their child to any man for sexual correction. Fathers did discipline, but only by praise or encouragement.

The depraved and entitlement parent who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!