"Benign deprivation": Why the "frequent and often" use of the word "no" is child abuse

Many parents buy into the belief that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents say "no" to children all of the time. However, the frequent use of the word "no" is child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in your child, meaning be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. One reason why children's feelings get hurt is when parents say the word "no". The key is to apologize to your child whenever they cannot accept the word "no". Usually, all that is needed is a reassurance of good intent. However, if you ever set a limit at all out of anger or haste, you should definitely apologize for losing your cool as a parent, then commit never to never losing your cool with your child again, as losing your cool alone is entitlement. The word "no" should be used seldom in parenting, meaning almost never. Part of avoiding offense in children is finding any reason to say "yes" to a child's petitioned request. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

"Benign deprivation" ultimately refers to the frequent use the word "no". However, Christian parents in the Early Church knew more than parents today that using the "no" unnecessarily can be child abuse. Under customary law then, the word "no" was prohibited in parenting as a general rule. The exception to this rule is if the parent is declining a request that is unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When this happened, and children could not accept the word "no", they were offered an apology, by way of reassurance of good intent.

Christian parenting in the Early Church was not ever motivated by anger. Instead, parenting then was motivated by worry and concern. Most Christian parents in the Early Church worried a lot about their children, in the warmest and kindest of ways. Anger directed towards children was seen then as akin to a viper lashing out at an unsuspecting child. Maybe the viper hissed, but that's about it in terms of a warning.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!