Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to grow up to have values. This is a common goal for parents to have. However, most parents think that the answer is to impose their values onto their children. However, there is a better way to instruct a child in the Lord than to force them to be religious. 

God's Law on passing down the faith is stated in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this verse clarifies for the second that discipline and religious education should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing children - you need to ideally avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. However, offending children is inevitable in parenting, and thus parents should be willing to give a meaningful apology to their child whenever they offend a child. Any time you upset a child, including due to set limits, you have offended your child, and thus you need to apologize to your child. Religious child abuse was a concept in the Early Church, and involved the concept of religious entitlement as a form of parental entitlement. Religious entitlement in parenting is forcing your child to be religious, with the offense stemming from the religious entitlement amounting to religious child abuse. The first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments. with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating as "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children such as spanking and punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of Eph. 6:4 spells out appropriate ways to pass down the faith, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive in parenting. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is  παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific form of nurturing children, namely of the teaching sort. Whenever a child showed discipline - such as patience or self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a good example for children to follow, but they backed up their example with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punitive parenting towards children. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" (see the English Standard Version). Starting at age 6, Christian fathers in the Early Church left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. Whenever children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, fathers encouraged religious growth in children, saying "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context.

Religious development is an aspect of child development, meaning that children can develop a religion all on their own. Children are born atheist, but the spiritually curious sort of atheist. Whenever a child showed an interest in religion, fathers especially encouraged religious growth in children. Children studied the Bible, and then asked fathers what the passage they read meant. Fathers told stories about the context to children to help them find the correct meaning for a passage.

It is good to take a child's spiritual temperature. The quick way to see if your child is believing in a healthy way is to look for grateful postures. Children naturally form the grateful postures on their own, usually by keeping their hands tied in front of them. If your child ties their hands behind their back, they have hit perfection. There is no need to force children into grateful postures - they figure these things out on their own.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which  is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!