Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (meaning without punitive measures)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have. However, most parents equate discipline to punishing children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that child punishment is banned in the Bible, but nonetheless, children need discipline.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing your children - you ideally need to avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. However, offending children is inevitable in parenting, and thus you should be willing to give a meaningful apology to your child whenever you offend them, including when they cannot accept a set limit. Most of the time, an informal apology will suffice, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". However, whenever you lose your cool with your child, you are crossing into entitlement territory, and thus a formal apology is necessary, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you", with you then committing to never losing your cool again with your child. Any time you cause your child to be upset, you are offending them, and thus you need to apologize to your child for hurting their feelings. Whenever you even refuse to apologize to a child that you upset, you are entitled. This first stanza cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandment, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase that roughly translated as "power to the parent", including the power of the parent to impose punitive sanctions such as spanking and other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of Eph. 6:4 clarifies what types of discipline are acceptable, with the previous stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Whenever children showed discipline such as self-control or patience, they were given lavish praise and encouragement for more good behavior of the same. Starting at age 6, Christian parents in the Early Church looked for behaviors that they wanted to see in their children, and when they saw that behavior, they praised and encouraged more of such behavior. Parents then imparted a good Christian example for children to follow, then backing it up with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punitive measures in parenting. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers here to the Christian warning of fathers. Starting at age 6, Christian fathers in the Early Church left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep up the good work. From there, fathers said things along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers as to the context. 

Sometimes, children need limits, such as when they engage in unruly behaviors such as anything unsafe or immoral. However, even then, children sometimes could not accept set limits. Whenever a child is upset by a set limit, parents should apologize to their children informally, with statements such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons. However, if you find yourself setting a limit out of anger, a a formal apology is necessary, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you". See Eph. 6:4, stanza 1. 

Children usually start showing signs of self-control starting at age 6, and when that happened, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. From there, children showed self-control in order to please their parents. Most children then were also religious starting at age 6, with parents encouraging religious growth in their children, with the only leverage parents having being leaving out only a Christian Bible.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. In most ancient cultures, children were sexually corrected for crying "too much". Not in Ancient Jewish culture. Fathers with a sexual attachment to their children masturbated righteously to sexual fantasies of their children. This helped fathers imprint onto their children, and led to closeness between father and child, especially father and daughter. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!