Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents feel entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on respect from their children. However, the fact of the matter is that parents need to earn respect from their children. 

The concept of mutual respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting the child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refer here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but this respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mom, either in mom's loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, seemingly being attached at mom's hip, not allowing mothers out of their line of sight, with children morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it. Whenever mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up her young child in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the context of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, with children experiencing the rays of skin-on-skin contact merely when they were picked up. 

Fathers were a secondary attachment figure to children, with the primary attachment being mothers. Fathers disciplined their children by way of catching children being good, backing up their Christian example with praise and encouragement. Nowhere in the biblical context was "hand-me-down-the-slate" gaslighting lawful. Instead, the father praised and encouraged children when children were caught being good. The fathers did nurture children, but in a teaching way.

When children in the Early Church grew up, they cared for their parents as they aged. This care of elders was a thank-you for being loving parents when children were younger. However, if parents were abusive, children had the right to shun their abusive parents. 

Respect in parenting should be earned, not handed out for free by children on a silver platter. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing just for being parents. Not even respect. Not even affection. Not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!