Saturday, April 26, 2025

Righteous submission: How to properly love your child

Many parents think that they love their children, and at the same time, punish their children and call it "love". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that love is submission, and submission is love. Parents are to submit to their children, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

Christian love for your child is spelled out in Matthew 22:35-40 KJV:
Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and all thy soul, and all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all of the law and the prophets.

The Greek root word translated "love" is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers, in the context of parenting, performing good works for children. Good works are defined as doing good things for your neighbor, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Children in biblical times were loved by parents just as one would love a neighbor. See also 1 Cor. 13:4-8.

The concept of righteous submission is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refer to doing good things for your child, meeting the child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Punishment is not a proper form of love for anyone, especially a child. Love is instead defined as submission to your neighbor, including doing good things for your child. Nowhere in the biblical context is there room at the inn for punishing a child and calling it "love". Child punishment is not love, but rather is a form of hatred towards a child. 

Christian parents in the Early Church did not insist on children loving them, but instead loved their children, with this love coming in the form of good works on the part of parents. "Love parents" is a man-made teaching, as parents in biblical times loved their children first. The most a parent can look forward to while their children are still children is their children being affectionate with them as a parent. Affection is not Christian love, and thus children should not be expected to love their parents - love is a verb, and a strong verb at that.

If you avoid punishing your child in all instances, the rewards involve your child taking care of you when you are aging as a parent. If you submit to your child when they are little, the hard work pays off later, with children caring for their parents as they age. However, if your parents expected you to submit, or otherwise abused you by your perceptions, you can shun them. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

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