Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents feel entitled to respect from children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on respect from children. However, respect in parenting is earned, instead of being handed out on a silver platter. 

The doctrine of mutual respect is an aspect of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossian 3:20-21 KJV: 

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission. where parents are to provide for their children, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to a damages and offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writing. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, this respect came in the form of closeness to parents, as opposed to fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up the crying child, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it. Whenever mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up her children in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate rays of easy skin-on-skin closeness, with skin-on-skin contact happening even when the child was merely picked up.

Respect for parents is earned in life by parents, meaning not handed out for free on a silver platter. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from children. Not even respect. Not even affection. Not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will nor inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!