Attention-seeking behavior: Why attention is a core need for children

Many parents have to deal with it. A child is simply begging for attention from parents. This is a common aspect of parenting. Most American parents punish their child when they act out to get attention. However, proper Christian parenting is attachment based, with attention being a core need for a child.

Attention is indeed a core need for children in relation to parents, and is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works onto children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brough their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Sometimes, children's behaviors just beg for attention. In most cases, children cried out loud in order to self-advocate for vulnerable needs. A core need of children is attention, meaning children need attention as an attachment need. Children in most cases cry out loud because they need something, with attention being a core need of children.

Children growing up in the Early Church were allowed to cry freely. From there, the mother diagnosed the needs before meeting them. Many times, all the child needed was tender loving attention. So, mothers simply held the child next to her bosom, in mammary closeness. From there, milk-dependent children were nursed to health by way of being allowed to suckle the teat of mothers. 

Older children - past age 6 - whined in order to self-advocate a need. Whining is a mature way of a child self-advocating a need, meaning a step up from crying in terms of maturity. Children growing up in the Early Church only whined when they were self-advocating a need. This whining came in the form of direct self-advocacy for need because children were allowed to feel all of their feelings. Today, children are not allowed to have their own feelings, and thus the actual need is buried in adversarial discourse with a child. 

The key is to give up the fight with your child, and give in to their demands. You may find that your child isn't asking for much. Most of the time, children run straight back to mom for refuge when given the first taste of autonomy. In the Early Church, respect for parents came in the form of warm closeness, usually with children being affectionate with mom. In most cases, that's all a child needs - loving attention from mom. 

Children should not be making messes and wreaking havoc just to get some attention with mom. When raised naturally, they simply cry when they need attention, or else whine if they are older. But, when you ignore your child's attention needs, they will do anything just to get your attention, and that oftentimes means mischief of some sort. Christian parents in the Early Church responded to the every cry of a child, from day one. Children cried often during the first 6 years of childhood, but then switched to whining after turning age 6. Whining only happened rarely, when the child actually needed something. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend\into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!