"Back talk": Why children are allowed to talk back in the Bible

Many parents punish their children for talking back. It is a common mistake that the Bible prohibits "back talk" from children. The fact of the matter is that children have the right to their opinions, no matter how they express them, and this is supported in Scripture. 

Parents are to put their children first, and themselves last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to the every need of their child, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting in the love and grace of parents, being in place of God in the family home. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discoutaged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents, with children owing nothing in relation to children. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times. Think a mother holding pales of water, with her young child being wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with a naked older child in tow next to her mother, with the mother gathering water to drink and cook food with - this is biblical parenting. Children are to rest in the love and grace of parents, to the point of feeling safe in demanding and petitioning parents for needs and a redress of grievances.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages, meaning the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or contact. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the Law against punishing and controlling children. The punishment of children carried severe penalties in both the Old and New Testament, and incurred bloodlust. The Early Church excommunicated fathers and mothers alike who punished or controlled their children. Most all parents in the biblical context were attachment parents to the core. The rod verses in Proverbs and Hebrews refer not to spanking, but to a dated legal punishment that Christ did away with on the cross - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. Corporal punishment was not practiced in the Early Church except between spouses, and even then, it was frowned upon, with Christian men seen as weak and out of control for having to control and punish someone else. Children could not be held legally culpable for their actions, with parents taking responsibility for their child's misdeeds, apologizing in court for their child's mischief.

Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were the demanding type. The norm then was a form of secure attachment known as policing attachment, where the child policed their parents for their needs, issuing edicts and orders for the parents to follow, with the parents just giving in and giving up the fight, surrendering to their child's demands and petitions for needs and a redress of grievances. Picture a child brandishing a stophand with their parents, issuing lawful and binding orders. Children, while still dependent on parents, have the right to tell them off and give orders, and parents are to heed their children's lawful orders, providing for their children continuously until they rest in gratitude for their parents.

Children were given immense freedom in ancient Hebrew and Christian circles both. Though overt sexual penetration was prevented by parents in biblical times ("prevented" meaning keeping children apart and supervising both), many of the games children played then carried sexual undertones, such as "marriage", where children embraced instead of literally having sex. This is stated simply to illustrate the immense amount of freedom older children, to be specific, had then. Parents then could handle a bit or lip from their child, and children's demands were taken as spoken words from God. Thus, if a child wanted to move to a new house, that's what happened, if all their siblings were okay with it. Even if they weren't, the child was listened to and reassured if the answer was "no".

The Fifth Commandment does not prohibit "back talk". It simply legislates a ban on elder abuse, meaning actual elder abuse. This means, in the New Testament context, striking or beating a parent when they have not done that to you, and they have apologized to you for provoking you to anger. Simply speaking against your parents was not counted as a sin as a child, as children could not be charged with moral crimes.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Let them descend into the abyss which is Hell and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!