Gratitude in parenting: Why to model it for children (instead of beating it into them)

Many parents, if not most, want grateful children. It is a common belief among parents that children cannot be grateful, and that ingratitude in children is something to punishment. Gratitude is the centermost part of attachment parenting.

Gratitude in the biblical parenting context is mutual in nature, starting with the parent, not the child. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise: That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to Christian discipline, namely the attitude that parents are entitled to nothing from children, and are to be grateful for the every joy their child brings them, with children owing nothing to parents, and parents owing everything to children, expecting absolutely nothing in return for their good works towards children, being chastened up and disciplined in relation to children. This disciplined attitude should impart an example to children that models gratitude, as children usually take after parents, at least in some way, in some form. This is especially true when children aren't punished. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning all offenses against children, with "offenses" being defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child. This was intended by the Apostle Paul and the legal context he was writing to as a prohibition of all punishment and control of children, including spanking and corporal punishment against children. The Apostle Paul was rebuking Greek Christians within the Ephesian church for the Hellenistic tradition of spanking children, which was defensible under Roman law but not Jewish law, with the Early Church seeing the punishment of children especially as kidnapping. No child can be truly grateful in a hostile, punitive environment.

How do you earn trust in order for children to be grateful for you? The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to trust in parents. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you roughly come to a better translation. This form of trust is borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. Attachment parenting was the Christian tradition in the Bible, with children up until age 3 being breastfed and treated as infants behaviorally. Children slept next to parents, especially mothers, until adulthood, and even into adulthood. Mothers and daughters were inseparable until the daughter reached adulthood. Closeness to parents was valued in children, and this included excusing most childish behavior, usually viewing childhood mischief with affection and endearment. Children got most of what they wanted from parents, and then they were grateful.

Gratitude is something modeled to children, with parents being the first role models for children. Gratitude is a result of discipline in an individual, with parents imparting that discipline and chastening onto children by way of example. Surrender to parents, in full, is following their example in everything (Col. 3:20). Wherever there are rifts in ideology, abuse lies as a story behind it. Gratitude is being happy to have a child without expecting or demanding anything from them, just because you are the parent. Ingratitude is demanding anything from your child just because "I am the parent". Then, you will find reasons to love your child for who they are, not who you want them to be. Children shouldn't be told "be grateful". When they aren't happy, you aren't performing as a parent. Children need a disciplined, chastened parent to show them how to be disciplined. Give them a reason to be grateful by being chastened up in a charitable way towards them, earning their gratitude, teaching them by example to be grateful for everything. Attitudes that low in level flow through the atmosphere, so before preaching gratitude to your child, show it for them.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss of Hell and torment, with the evildoing parents experiencing God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!