The word "no": Why not to mean it

Many parents believe "say 'no' and mean it" meaning set firm boundaries and limits with children. I myself am a recovering permissive parent to children, so I must believe in setting minimal boundaries and limits towards children. However, this never means go the other way, and punish children. Set limits with them like a friend, meaning a needy friend that might frequently ask for a loan. I believe children are flawed human beings, but not depraved, meaning they have no sin count due to youthful inexperience. The word "no" does not need to be meant due to the sin nature of children, with sin being imperfection in a tone-deaf manner in this case.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, leading to peaceable surrender and then obedience. There are three components to biblical surrender to parents - hear, understand, and obey. Children should feel free to perk up when they hear the voice of their parents, being reassured in their presence, running to parents for listening and validation. However, children should understand what is being asked of them before they obey.

Children have an immature brain, by definition of the legal term "child", which means an individual which the law deems too cognitively immature to make their own legal decisions. Why does the law allow for thus? A child can't reason as to right and wrong like an adult can, and can't until adulthood presumably, meaning a child not only is not informed of their immoral choices, but cannot be informed, largely due to impulsivity. 

Impulsivity is a hallmark trait of a child, and even teenagers are too immature to be held morally legally responsible. The civil laws allow for a 7-year-old to be arrested for picking up a gun thinking it is a toy, and shooting his father, but such ages don't exist under God's Law, meaning an unjust law is no law at all. Children up to age 18 can be regarded as not culpable for anything, testing the waters, seeing whether they want to go down the Christian path or not like their parents did.

What is the procedure when denying privileges? First, is it morally acceptable to deny a child? Most every time they have a want that won't work at all, they are masking a need with a want, and usually this is when they are tired and drained. Think airport or long car trip. Compromise with your child whenever possible. Instead of saying "no, we aren't getting that bicycle, let's go!" say "Next pay period" When something completely doesn't work, and there is no room for compromise, say a firm "no" or "this won't work", but preferably the latter, listening to the floodgates opening and the waters assuaging in terms of childhood, remaining sturdy and steadfast in your denial, but when they return to a banned activity, just pick them up or escort them away, and keep doing it until they get the message. Hold them in your arms as they cry, and reassure them in a hushed voice. Yes, you literally have to get off your rear end, throw away the belt and the paddle, and do the job of keeping your child safe.

The Greek root word in vs. 21 translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translates to "stirring up" children as in "stirring the pot" in relation to your child's emotions, and ultimately refers to the moral count of provoking your neighbor to anger, through fits of anger or sexual violence, and applying it to parenting. The Epistle to the Colossians came with a parenting instruction manual, which spoke of children as mirrors of adult attitudes towards them and the world, meaning attachment parenting was recommended by the Church leadership then, and was of the exemplary type of attachment parenting, trying to pass the torch down by modeling Christ-like behavior and attitudes towards children as His loving extension towards children. Parents rarely stooped down to lecture children, but simply were close friends with their children. In ancient Hebrew culture, infants were swaddled to the bosom of mothers up to age 3, and slept next to mothers until much later, perhaps into adulthood. Fathers foreshadowed over children, using their strength and staff to protect his children, not beat them, asserting his protective authority over children, not his punitive authority. Fathers then, otherwise, were down to earth in the form of God's loving encouragement, and then God's loving lecture and reproof when children misbehaved - and then, when the child was too young to understand instructions, just let the child go, and parents supervised for the safety of children, removing the child from unsafe situations as many times as necessary to deter the child from seeking out household and outdoor hazards.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Let them descend into the abyss, with God turning His back on them from day one, predicting their lifelong sin of being a parent who advocates punishment and controlling attitudes towards children, or else permissive and negligent attitudes towards children! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!