Independence: Why this is the goal of every parent (and why punishment doesn't get them there)

Parents in the United States normatively want children to be compliant and obedient, and this is based off of false and idolatrous biblical teachings on "biblical spanking". The Bible itself does not command blind obedience of parents, and does not prohibit quarrelling or arguing with parents. The goal for parents under biblical law is independence, not dependence on authority.

Christian love for one's child is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to reverent fear and terror, as denoted by the Greek root word ψοβός (Latin: phobos), leading to surrender to God through one's child, giving up one's adult power and control to the footstool of children, treating children as if they were royalty, sacrificing for one's child just as Christ sacrificed for His children, paying the ultimate price for His children, with parents willing to pay the same price, willing to go down as a martyr for their child, leading to good works just for the sake of good works for children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, submitting to children and their every need in mutual submission to one's child. The surrender of children to parents in response to this love is designed to raise a self-reliant, independent child that questions the world instead of blindly does what they are told. The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in parents, with children petitioning parents for their every need and a redress of grievances, with needs including attachment needs, with children seeing parents as safe people to vent to, confide into, and be best friends with, with children owing absolutely nothing in return to parents. This word alludes to a context where attachment parenting was the norm, with infants up to age 3 swaddled to the bosom of mothers, and older children sleeping and resting next to mothers, with parent-child intimacy to the level of nudity, with children getting skin-to-skin context when resting with mother, or else playing freely in her supervision, never leaving her sight. Think a mother completely naked, laying down, breastfeeding her child - that is how parenting went then. That was how trust was gained. Replace "obey" with "trust" and gear the verse to parents, and that is what child surrender is. Parents are to form a bond from early on up, including with co-sleeping next to children as well as skin-to-skin contact with infants and toddlers.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translates to "stirring up" resentment and upset in children, in terms of the Jewish idiom "stirring the pot" in terms of your child's negative emotions. Vs. 21 ultimately refers to the moral count of provocation to anger by way of entitlement, in this case by way of parental entitlement. Paul travelled to the city of Colossae, and when delivering his epistle, he also hand delivered parenting pamphlets that educated the primarily Greek parish on the proper Christian way to parent as per the Hebraic context, which included attachment parenting. Paul here was saying in the pamphlets he wrote (alongside the epistle, which was written by God ultimately) that children are mirrors of the attitudes of their parents, both towards their children and towards the world.

Child nudity was permitted in the biblical context, whereas adult nudity was forbidden outside of the context of a home environment. Mothers left the house to run errands for the family, gathering groceries at the market in the city. The child was swaddled with bands that held her up, while tucked underneath the mother's dress, allowing for skin-to-skin contact between mother and child. Mothers then frequently slept next to their children in the nude into adulthood. The nudity aspect is included to illustrate, in pictorial form, how close parents were to their children. Fathers were also close, but in a distant way, using God's loving encouragement to challenge the child, especially in academics and Christian ethics, in a friendly, wholesome way. Both father and mother played a role then for children.

Closeness is what leads to independence. Closeness is about parents being safe people, with "safe people" meaning that children vent their every upset into parents, using parents as a pro-social punching bag for their emotions, so that children use up all their immature emotions. Once they are used up, they are usually quiet and compliant with parents and other adults, as well as with teachers and employers. The concept is pro-social pedophilia, pro-social siphon. A pedophile siphons friendship away from abusive parents who don't want a relationship with their child, and meets unmet attachment needs, for good or for bad. Parents are to siphon the energy and rambunctiousness of children back into their home, not interrupting play, allowing children to be tone-deaf in their honesty about their needs. Parents in the biblical context were seen by their children as smaller, in a way that they could use like a ragdoll or vending machine, with parenting then being seen as a selfless, thankless job, up until the end when you put in your time and earned it. Parenting is a job, and it's ultimate goal is to raise a child to be self-reliant and independent. Secure attachment works like a bounce, meaning when with parents, you feel safe and don't want them to go, but when parents are gone, you feel free in a relaxed way, then become elated when they return home. I actually have a caregiver parent that I live with currently, and I am slowly becoming more independent. That is the goal of True biblical parenting, not slavish obedience.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and rot in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for the evil one and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!