My former atheist self: Why some people shouldn't be atheist

I am a children's rights Christian/conservative, with anti-spanking/gentle parenting leanings. However, for half my life, I was an atheist, meaning the agnostic type of atheist. Most people associate atheists with trauma these days, at some level, apart from the most hardened of pro-spank conservatives. However, some people shouldn't be atheists. Depends on your upbringing.

Many parents today are raising children without religion, yet with religion in the atmosphere. That was my upbringing. Religion was around me, but in a hidden way that showed in an approachable manner, meaning my parents never kept religion away from me, nor forced it on me. They kept it in close reach, and as Christians themselves, they had every intent for me to reach and grab those building blocks.

I felt left out, and thus didn't have good guidance. I have autism, and that generally makes one an ideological nihilist. I tried some other frameworks to filter my beliefs, such as socialism and even communism, meaning growing up, some staff at my school said I might end up joining the communist party. I was an authoritarian leftist, meaning a gung-ho leftist hardliner up until my college years.

I found a book that would convict me in hindsight, and send me on my way, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the spanking controversy. I had a "rod verses" trauma that caused me to hate all religion, yet love it from a distance, because I wanted to be religious at the lowest level, but was left out.

I based my religious convictions off of the preponderance of the evidence, from multiple, preferably conflicting sources. We won't go over the evidence, as I do want readers, but if you believe the evidence, based on the assumption that only one religious story can be true, you come to the conclusion that Christianity is the one true religion.

I believe in the evidence in all cases, meaning false until proven otherwise, but in a commonsense type of way, not a gaslighting type of way, and am pro-science as well. I support the spanking research, but leave it out on my page because it is old news, meaning we've heard it, and won over as many people as we could using that. The main excuse is religious, not scientific, and the Bible has every answer to that problem, in context. Attachment parenting was the norm in ancient Israel, and God never changes, so there - no spanking under God's Law, which is above the law of the law.

My Christianity is very fear driven, in a way most of my fellow children's rights tradesmen don't understand. It isn't a burn, but a zing that gets your attention. They are afraid of proselytization. One verse says in Matthew 5:13 KJV:

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is sit on an hill cannot be hid.

This refers to the fact that Christians should fashion themselves with a certain shining light, meaning showing their true values by example, meaning instead of preaching to your neighbor, show your neighbor how you'd prefer they live their life by way of shining example. When people say they can respect you as a Christian, even as a non-Christian.

I am anti-parent as a Christian and symbolic parent together, and my Christian faith helps me be the anti-parent parent that I am, by way of denying my goodness as the pedophilic adult that I am, meaning I am inherently evil, especially in relation to children, but capable of great good. I used to believe the exact opposite - "I'm a good person" then adding something about my autism "so cut me a break". Any form of "autism" entitlement is sin. Claiming abuse using that label, say when one is secluded and unlawfully restrained (as I experienced...for another time), is acceptable. Saying "you are oppressing my autism" when the patrol officer hands you a non-traffic summary citation for harassing a young girl, that's an excuse, and that's why I sort of abandoned autism rights- the offenses framework can easily be misused, meaning I was taught to get offended at everything that I felt was an affront to my autism, and own the label. These days, I own the "child" label in retrospect, meaning I WAS a child, whether you like it or not, because I was once under 18. We all were once.

Some people shouldn't be atheist. If you were simply apathetic in terms of religion, not afraid of it, you might have a benign religious trauma like I had. I hated reading that part of the Bible, as part of me believed that something out there must exist that I didn't explore much, due to that roadblock. It burned reading those verses, until I found proper meaning - today the rod of correction can be interpreted as being the Department of Corrections, as Solomon is speaking about a form of judicial corporal punishment, in a situation that never occurred, but was an empty threat from fathers of young adults, meaning not children.

My Christian beliefs are not aggressive usually, but wholesome. Think 1950s but without the punishment of wives or children, and wanting the streets and homes both to be safe. No spanking, but no crime or "sin city" crap in other ways as well. Think dry town or dry county. That's my attitude. Think Christian pacifist alongside it, and you know my current anti-spanking alignment. I hate all violence, and want people to feel safe in society, so I expand it to parenting. My views are vague Anabaptist in nature.

I use a lot of "down the lane" gaslighting, meaning I want parents to be jealous, in a way that gets them to 'keep up with the jonses', meaning I want every parent here or there to keep up with me, as I might be one of those devoted "coming from" gentle parents that is ahead of the times, by reminiscing behind the times, as I believe in resurrecting the attachment parenting context in the Bible.  

I'm glad I am a Christian. I now think about people other than myself, and not just children, but still seeing them as the center of the world. I am a pedophile of the non-offending variety, and true pedophilia is not a "insatiable drive" for children, but seeing them as the centerpiece of the world, and then feeling an affinity towards them that involves sexual attraction. Most people don't see the world like that, but my theology is very child-centered due to how I am formed, showing imperfection in man's understanding of God, meaning many perspectives. However, God only exonerates children from guilt entirely, due to their inability developmentally to form the proper intent to sin under the Law. I have trouble being angry with a child, meaning I literally cannot get mad at them (I instead get tired and sleep well the following night). 

I am a representative of children directly, claiming my trauma as a reason to be such, but ultimately, I am a privileged speaker for children, as a children's rights Christian/conservative. They owe nothing in return to me, and seem to go their own separate way in life, but I do care, and I care about what they think. I care about what they think of me as a pedophilic adult, so I can improve. That's why I follow Christ and am a Christian, because that example shows respect to children in a way I was a hypocrite about in the past.